(The following below covers age Age 28 - 28)
The following day I helped Joe (DJ's Brother) make up his obituary with a picture and the text Joe had written. Because it's hard to read on the picture below, I wrote out what it says. So here is what it says and the picture with the text below it:
Darien James John Delaney 11-20-68 - 1-28-09
On Wednesday morning in Redding California an amazing man was received by his Savors loving arms. Darien born in Chicago IL, touched so many with his caring, loving, determined ways. He was the oldest Cystic Fibrosis person in the world. He was an advocate for those living and for those gone by fighting for a cure to keep everyone's hope and dreams alive for a cure. He defied what the doctors said he couldn't do by living life to the fullest - lettering in track, graduating from St Andrews High School and writing a sci-fi novel, but defied them most by living to be 40 years old.
Darien is survived by so many who loved and respected him- grandmother, parents, family, friends, medical staff and all those whose lives he touched. He will be missed by all but never forgotten. It isn't Goodbye Darien - it is we will see you again one day. We love you. Time to run with the Angles.
There will be no funeral service, so no need to send flowers. if you feel the need to do something, donations to the local CF Research Department in your area would make him happy.
As to his wishes, he was cremated and his ashes spread. Some of DJ's ashes with his baby brother's grave in southern California, and the rest in the ocean. We will all indeed miss him. I loved him a lot. Me and DJ had been through a lot of the same things during our childhoods.
Depression, Self Injury, spent some time in psychiatric hospitals and hurt by the staff in those places among other things. So we were very tight. I loved him as my own brother, and as he said he loved me as a brother as well. I will deeply miss him.
After DJ's passing, things got harder of course. On top of mourning a great friend me and Sandra now had to split the cost of bills in half instead of in 3rd's. We let my brother move in for him to pay $200.00 a month till he could save up for his own place as he said he was having a hard time dealing with living at my mom's place.
He asked if he could use the garage in addition to the back bedroom. We worked it out that he could have both rooms if he would help out with taking out the trash that I would normally store in the garage till I went out somewhere, help bring in bags when I went shopping as normally I would back the car in and unload then in addition to a few others things.
He said he wanted to stay here and save up money to get his own place again. We agreed on $250.00 in rent. He told me he didn't have that right away. So I agreed to take $100.00 in food stamps till they got settled in. Leaving them the cash to get what they needed. It was just nice to have the money needed to cover all the bills again.
I was glad to have the help because his $200.00 was needed to cover the bills that we just couldn't cover with just me and Sandra's SSI check's. In the end though it ended up costing us more than he was helping.
I was still having PTSD problems which lead to more calls to the hotlines to try to cope. But on February 6th of 2009 something changed. The officer decided I needed to be punished, and told me such when he arrived. He told me I needed to learn to stop calling hotlines. Which was stupid since that's what they are for.
So to teach me a lesson he took me to the other hospital in town. The officer said I would be taken there EVERY time I called a hotline to teach me a lesson. There are two hospital's in Redding. Mercy Medical Center which does their best to help. And then there is Shasta Regional Medical Center where the staff are very rude and mean to me. The staff at Shasta Regional Medical Center feel that I come for nothing but attention and each time I am brought there "teach me a lesson". They couldn't be more wrong.
So after getting to the ER at Shasta Regional Medical Center, as always I gave the nurse a urine sample. But unlike the other hospital I prefer working with, this hospital could care less about my PTSD problem and actually goes out of there way to set me off. So after giving the urine sample, a nurse came in and asked that I put on a gown.
I had a problem with wearing so little. I felt exposed and it made me very uncomfortable as wearing one is a trigger for the PTSD. So I explained to the nurse that since I was in shorts and a T-shirt, that I could remove the shirt or pull up the legs of the shorts and all parts of my body could be seen and checked out if needed. Or just remove the article of clothing long enough for the doctor to do his checking and put the clothing back on. Mercy Medical Center doesn't force the gown issue and leaves me with my clothes. No problems at Mercy.
So the male nurse left the room and told the head nurse that I refused to put on the gown, but not why I didn't want to put the gown on. She swiftly walked passed me room saying loudly "get the restraints!". That comment made my heart jump. 10 minutes later the charge nurse came into the room with restraints, the two cops that brought me in, a hospital security guard and 4 ER doctors. I was terrified out of my mind.
She pulled the stretcher out from the wall and began putting the restraints on the bed and told me that if I didn't put on the gown they would put me in restraints, cut off my clothes, remove the diaper I was wearing (urine incontinence) and put a catheter in (without lube I am sure as it's common practice for nurses to put in a catheter without lube claiming they ran out of lube to make putting the catheter in more painful as punishment for "trouble patients"). And then she added that while doing all this to me that if I so much as touched them at all I would be put in jail for assault. They could do all this to me, but I was just supposed to just take it.
So she stood there and told me I had 1 minute to comply or they would start putting me in restraints. I had no choice. I took off all my clothes down to the diaper and put on the gown. And yea, it triggered the hell out of me. It took all of 5 minutes before the flashbacks began coming. They were very intense. I couldn't help but break down crying I was so upset. And I don't cry.
Due to the flashbacks and just being threatened everything got the asthma going as well as an anxiety attack. Instead of getting it right away, it took them 30 minutes before they finally got it for me. Again to make me suffer.
About 45 minutes later the doctor came in. Instead of giving any kind of exam which was the whole big deal of me putting the gown on so that he could do a medical exam, he instead tells me I must like coming in and getting treated like this because I keep coming back. After about 10 minutes of him talking trash he finally left.
4 hours later mental health finally showed up and I was able to get my clothes back to put on. And once at mental health they overturned the 5150 (involuntary psychiatric hold) hold and sent me back home as they always do. It was a horrible experience. The police told me if I am picked up again I will be brought back to that hospital as punishment for calling.
In addition to my normal nightmares and flashbacks, I had nightmares and flashbacks about the threat to put me in restraints, cut my clothing off, cut off my diaper, inserting a catheter and possibly going to jail for touching them that went on for over 6 months. Once was bad enough. But now I was forced to relive that experience over and over and over and over again. Thanks, that really helps the depression and suicidal thoughts.
As for any lesson learned, I learned that for every time you reach out for help, your punished. Apparently the lesson is "Stop calling us for help and just off yourself already!". That's what I learned.
But there is some light in the tunnel ahead for me. In August of 2009 I made a interesting discovery about myself. I was doing a search for more information about bed wetting when I came across a article on hubpages.com about Indigo Children. It's the first I had heard about this and decided to check it out. My search led me to: http://www.metagifted.org/topics/metagifted/indigo/ and I learned what an Indigo was.
I was very surprised to learn that I was an Indigo myself. However, at the same time everything made sense all the sudden. Why I had so many problems in my life suddenly had a name. To explain why I felt so different. Growing up I didn't feel the same way other kids did. I didn't even act the same. I have always felt like an adult trapped in the body of a child. I know, weird statement coming from a AB. But that's how it felt growing up.
Growing up while other teens were out hanging with their friends, hooking up with girls having sex, drinking, partying and all that typical teen stuff, I had no desire to take part in those activities that many find part of that teenager stage.
I on the other hand was at home helping my brother with his homework, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry, shopping for the food. There was even a time when my brother was getting picked on at school. I was about 13 years old at the time. I called in sick from school and I booked an appointment with the school principle. Told him of the situation. I arranged to sit in the back of his classroom for the day and observe him.
During one of his recesses I discovered the problem. The kids would be asking him things and he would respond like a robot saying "Does not compute....". That made him stick out and they picked on him for it. So I talked to the principle, let him know what the problem was and he said he and the teacher would take care of it. How many 13 year old's would do something like that? Or even know how to? It was like I had done all this before. I just knew what to do, who to talk to.
So the more I looked into Indigo Children, reading some of the life stories from other Indigo's on the Metagifted.org website, I realized how their lives were very very similar to mine. I was no longer alone. There were others like me. Many others.
Most of my life I have been able to do certain things, special gifts if you will, that at the time, I thought everyone did. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized it was just me and a select few other kids, and that of the other kids around me couldn't do the things I did. Which at the time, made me think something was wrong with me, a freak if you will. But then to find there ARE others, and that they have a name helped me learn more.
Some of the things.....gifts if you will for example, some of the things that happened to me was often my dreams would come true. Most times future events were like knowing a few days in advance that a old friend of the family who we lost contact with would call. Little stuff like that.
Over the years, to date I have only had 3 major dreams/visions that were much larger. The first was when I was about 9, almost 10. I had a dream/vision that me and my brother were walking to school and we went over a bridge that went over a wash and my brother got on the railing and after a few steps fell over the side and was hurt.
The next day I was worried, but didn't say anything hoping it was just a silly dream. But when we reached the bridge the dream/vision started coming true. He got on the rail and began walking. I reached up, grabbed his jacket and pulled him down to safety. He got upset and walked off thinking I did it to mess with him or something. I was able to do something that time.
The next major dream/vision was in September of 2009. In the dream/vision, I was in a beach side home looking out a sliding glass door over looking the ocean. In the distance I saw something strange. It was a tsunami. Before I knew it, it came on shore. I was unable to move, frozen in fear.
Then it hit the house, but strangely didn't break the glass. The water level just kept getting higher and higher. Soon it was up to the second floor. I walked up a bit closer to the window and looked up and could see the waters surface above. It was scary and strange at the same time. All the sudden a window broke behind me and water came rushing into the house.
There was no way out as the water was to high to swim up. The water was rising and I was floating up to the ceiling in the house. I took my last breath as I was now under water. I tried but couldn't find a way out. I couldn't hold my breath anymore and let out my breath and on instinct I took in a breath but only water came in. I struggled for a breath. A few moments later I passed out and died in the dream and then woke up.
I was very scared of what had just happened in the dream and hoped it wasn't another dream/vision of the future but just some crazy dream. My hope wouldn't be satisfied. 2 weeks later on September 29, 2009 at 6:48am island time a earthquake created a title wave that hit the island of American Sumatra.
I can't tell you how upset I was. I was angry that I had this information but like most of my dreams/visions of this kind, I never know when or where the incident will happen. I was upset that I couldn't do anything. And angry that I was shown this when I had no way to do anything about it.
Then a few weeks later another dream/vision came. In the vision that I saw, I was laying in bed at the time and a earthquake struck. I jumped out of the bed and was trying to get out of the house. While running down the hall for the front door the walls were breaking and crumbing around me. The walls shook and swayed like they were not attached to anything. I got out, but the house was badly damaged. Much of it had collapsed. I made my way to a local city school where people were gathering at.
About 2 months later a 7.0 hit the region of Port-au-Prince area on January 12th 2010. By looking over the buildings on a satellite program called Google Earth, I was able to see where the roof collapsed and the walls remained, and I was able to see several homes that had a very similar or exact layout of what I saw in the vision.
Apparently the home I saw in the vision is how most homes are built in Haiti. Made of concrete. I used the Google Earth program to look at the area to confirm I had the right location. It was a vision I didn't want to see happen.
I had another vision/dream in March of 2010. In the dream, I was on board a air plane. Just bigger than one of those shuttle planes. About 200 seats or so if I had to guess. Anyway, I was in the bathroom when all the sudden there was a violent crash and the plane burst into flames. I was a bit shocked at how fast the plane filled with black thick smoke.
I was trying to get the bathroom door open. It's pitch black as the bathroom light went out in the crash. Meanwhile there is screaming like I have never heard before. When I get the door open I still can't see. But now I feel heat. Intense heat. I come across another lady that is trying to get out.
We knocked into each other and fall to the floor. It's very hard to breath. The smoke burning my throat and lungs were burning from trying to breath the smoke. I begin to get a severe headache trying to breath in the smoke. There is fire everywhere.
Hot metal that I keep touching trying to feel my way out. Suddenly I am on fire. I can't put it out. I wake up seconds later. I searched for days online for any hint of the accident. Nothing. As time went by, I started to think to myself that perhaps it was just a very bad dream. I was wrong.
On May 22nd 2010 I came across a news article on yahoo.com's home page about a plane crash in New Delhi India. A plane over shot the runway, fell down the side of a cliff into trees and burst into flames. There were 166 people on board, only 8 survived. This is the article about it: http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/05/21/ The problem with any vision is you seem to only get a few seconds to maybe a few minutes if your lucky to see markers or some kind of land mark to see where you are seeing. With this, it was all happening VERY fast. In all, the vision only lasted about a minute or so.
It is just frustrating because even if you were sure of a location where something was going to happen at, who do you report this to? And who would believe you? That is the problem with much of the general public right now. People don't believe you till it happens. And sadly, by then it's too late to do anything about it. Maybe that will be something that will change in the future. The dreams/visions are just one of the gifts I have (which sometimes feels like a curse with visions where people are killed).
Another gift I have is similar to the dreams but I am awake when it occurs. I would describe it as a lot like Deja Vu. When it happens, for 15 seconds or so I know what everyone around me is going to say and do. Like I had already done it before. The catch is, I don't know when this Deja Vu will occur and normally it doesn't happen during a time such as a car accident or something when it could prove useful. Well, at least it hasn't occurred during such an incident thus far.
Another gift I have is the ability to feel the emotions of those around me. Often referred to as one being an Empath. If someone I connect to is angry, I feel the anger they are feeling. It's not a good gift to have in wal-mart during Christmas rush. Often times I try to only go to stores like that at 2am when very few people are there. It's been a helpful gift to have though as it helps me to help others. Knowing when someone is upset, I know to ask what is the matter. If they are afraid, I try be careful not to make them any more upset. Things like that. One of the difficult things about this gift was until recently I wasn't able to disconnect when I wanted. Once I am connected to someone I was always feeling their emotions. Sooner or later I disconnect, but I couldn't do it at will. And there was a time when this gift really got to me. At the time, one of those I had a active connection to was a guy I came in contact with via his bio online.
Anything you touch you leave a energy signature. A finger print if you will. And in this case, this man posted his bio. The energy from each incident he wrote about in the bio had energy. Energy that I connected to and was able to feel what he was feeling at that moment.
In this case I was connected to his emotional energy behind a situation that occurred when he was 6. He was being baby sat while his mom was at work and the baby sitter had found him playing with matches and she went across the street to his grandma's house to report it.
His grandma came and took him over there. She took him to her room where she tapped his legs together and his left arm to his side. Then she took a broom from the kitchen and tapped his right arm to it with his hand extending a bit past the broom stick. Then she took a hand towel from the kitchen and put it in his mouth and tapped it in place.
Then she carried him to the kitchen and turned on the stove and held his hand over the flame for several seconds. He screamed but was gagged, and struggled but was tapped tightly. His hand was held over the flame for several minutes till it had 3rd degree burns and blistered severely. Then she released him. He pulled himself to the corner of the kitchen.
Of course the sitter was terrified when she learned what was done to the child, as was the mother when the sitter called her. The boy was admitted to the hospital where he had to go through surgery to separate his fingers which had fussed together.
I cannot tell you how horrible it was to connect to this person. I felt the fear he had felt during the situation. It was still in his memory, and was as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. I felt the fear, the panic, the terror of seeing his hand burning and not being able to remove it from the flame.
I cried almost non-stop for 3 days. It was horrible. This situation falls under the bad part of my gift of feeling others emotions. I was lucky enough to meet a woman online who was also a Empath. It was this woman who taught me how to "clear". I couldn't thank her enough. And for those who wish to read the guys full profile you can find his site located at: http://www.nemasys.com/ghostwolf/
"Clearing" is a form of meditation where in short you return the connection (AKA Energy) back to the owner with love and light. As she suggested, I clear twice a day on average to clear any current connections. Once in the morning, and once in the evening. Doing this leaves me open to make new connections as needed and maybe be able to help someone else.
It's a kind of long process so I will just link you to the page where I have the directions written out along with the meditation music file I use when I clear in case anyone reading this wishes to use it. Just click "HERE".
And as I said, I was thankful for the woman who taught me how to break the connection using Clearing. However, even though the connection has been severed, I still remember the feelings I felt. His experience, what he went through is now part of me now as well. It's something I will never forget, and hope I never experience again. Child abuse is the worst kind, and most powerful emotions to Empath if you ask me. I will never forget what was done to that poor boy.
Another gift which hasn't really progressed much is being able to feel spirits or ghosts as many call them. I can't see them or hear them, but I can feel their presence around me. But because I cannot see or hear them, I have no current way of knowing what they want help with. I can't speak to them to find out what the problem is. At least, not yet.
One gift I really like, that I kind of stumbled onto starting around the end of January of 2010. My friend Sandra has been having some problems with a injury, getting it to heal. It's been painful and taking a long time to heal. So this one particular day a urge told me to try to help. So I sat down and gave it a try. I was able to reduce her pain to a dull ache and according to the doctor, the wounds suddenly have began to heal. Just goes to show that you never know what you can do till you give it a try.
A new activity I have been practicing is Astral Projection. Like most things I have found I can do, I kind of did it by accident the first time. I was laying in bed resting with my cat Callie next to me. All the sudden my arms began to raise up on their own, but when I opened my eyes and looked at them, they were not moving. That's when all the sudden my Astral arms fell back into my body and I got this MONSTER head rush.
Apparently, I pulled back in too fast. Because I wasn't actually trying to do it the first time, it kind of scared me and so I pulled back out of fear. Which you really shouldn't do. Hey, I didn't know. Didn't know there was a speed limit. I am just a beginner and still working on actually exiting the body. That part I have not quite got the hang of yet. Thus far I can only move my Astral arms and legs. Hey, got to start somewhere.
One challenge for me is because of the ADHD I find it difficult to calm my body. Normally I am forever twitching or in some way moving either my legs, feet or hands. Something on me seems to have to be in constant motion. That's a problem doing this because you need to be still long enough for your body to fully relax and fall asleep.
Once you can do that, which seems to take me about a hour on average your mind is next to relax. You have to relax yourself close to the dream state. You want the body to fully fall asleep but not your mind. Once you reach that sweet spot that I can't even describe you begin to work on exiting the body.
That's where I am at with it. Feel free to do some research on it yourself if it interests you. Youtube has several video's about it and there are endless website's as well with information. Just be careful out there in astral land. Baby steps. And please please make sure if your doing this to make sure the room your in is warm and safe as you won't be there to protect your body while your out exploring. Be safe about it.
Anyway, because there are no manuals of how to work these gifts/abilities, or even to know what other gifts I may have. Many I found on chance of them occurring. Like with the Astral Projection and healing. I didn't know I could do half the stuff I could do. When I was younger, didn't understand what was going on. And much of it was trial and error to learn how to use them. Some I am still trying to practice with.
I have been learning a lot lately about who I am and all. And just when I think I thought I have learned all there is about it, more is learned. Such is the case about my life and who I am. Just recently I met a woman who lost her son to suicide in 2009. He was 20 years old and had bipolar and it got the best of him and he ended his life. But that wasn't the end for him. His mom wanted to know he was alright. Her friend who is a psychic medium gave her the gift of being able to talk with her son. She posts the sessions on her blog located at: http://www.channelingerik.com/ All the posts are word for word transcripts of the sessions.
I have learned a lot about life after death and that those I had thought were gone forever are around all the time. Friends that died, are not just poof, gone. One great surprise for me, Pam is one of my full time guardian angels now since she passed away. Which I am happy about. I am still waiting to learn more about how my friend DJ is doing in the afterlife. And I have also learned some interesting things about my own life.
Over the last few months I have asked a few questions of my own to Erik. My first question was about my family and my life's work and I wished to know if I was on the path I was sent here to do. Here is Erik's answer to my questions asked on February 18th 2010: "Dude, your parents are just the Greyhound bus that got you here! You need to detach yourself from them. Your mom is fucked up and your dad is afraid of her sometimes. But before this life, you all made some sort of contract. They're supposed to act like that to teach you about loyalty. Cuz the whole abandonment thing makes you more loyal and now you're a real compassionate person and a better friend because of it. Your struggles with your family has made you more soulful and loving cuz you understand what it's like to be shit on and you don't want anyone to hurt like you did. But you have trust issues, Dude. Duh! Just remember they were supposed to teach you what they taught you and try to forgive them. Plus you are here to teach them something too. Something about vulnerability. What it's like to feel exposed and alone. They need to learn how to make people feel included and loved and sadly, they might not realize that until they're on the other side. Your only hope in helping them is through your brother somehow. Your parents are really afraid of responsibility and fucking up what they're supposed to be responsible for. That's why they never take the blame for anything. It's always someone else's fault, am I right? Seriously Dude, you're here for a bigger purpose. All the crap you went through is over if you decide it is and you're going to turn it into something huge. You're gonna use it to help other people, maybe kids, teens, young adults, but younger people. And that helping others will be what heals you. Offing yourself is not a cool thing because it'll cause someone else in your life to kill themselves too, later on. Suicide can be contagious. Plus, do you really wanna have to come back and work through all this shit again? Hell no. I'll look up DJ for you. You've got lots of guides here. Lots of them are from the last life you had. They're like freaking out that you're not getting their messages. I see them with a 2 by 4 like they wanna smack you upside the head! (just kidding, Dude.) So learn to channel. Practice on me. You'll recognize my voice. Gotta go but you're in for the long haul and your life is only gonna get better. Oh, hey, one of your guides is telling me you need to eat fish or take those fish capsules. Lots of em. Like 4 or 6 a day. Hmm. Bye."
It's funny the way Erik hit on so much correctly. I never told him or Elisa (Erik's' mom) about my mom being a Greyhound driver. Or that my dad has been afraid of my mom, even though he would never admit it. And how he hit on my parents not being able to take responsibility and always blaming it on something else. Then about detaching myself from them, something I had done already but didn't mention that either.
About helping kids, I have always spent my life trying to help others. And yea, mostly kids and young adults. Both through this site and in other places and ways as well. One of the things that used to scare me alot was my fear of death. Was it going to hurt, did I do enough to get into heaven.
If I did ever commit suicide, would I indeed go to hell? No. The thing is, as bad as suicide is, your not plunged into a burning hell forever for doing it. Yes you have to answer for it, and you will probably end up having to come back again to earth to learn what you died before you learned the last time. But there is no fire and brimstone. That isn't a free pass for going and ending your life. But you know those who have lost loved ones to suicide, that they are not in pain, being burned and all that. So there is comfort in that.
In the end, I was glad to have confirmation, to know I am indeed on my path and always have been. And I am glad I have so many people/Angels watching over me. I am thankful because if I didn't have so many, more than likely my past attempts would not have failed and I wouldn't be here today to talk about all this.
And the Angels have a way of helping out when I need it the most. I mean, I am not rolling in money or anything like that, but it seems when I need money, a car, someone sent my way to help me.....things I NEED, but not exactly want is what is sent my way.
And about the fish. Prior to taking the fish oil caplets, my heart would beat very heard and at times would miss beats. It was scary. But now with taking the fish oil caplets, it almost never happens and the chest pain is rare now. And I am working on my meditating and channeling. Not as much as I would like though.
And as enlightening as Erik's first reply was, I sent in another few questions. In the reply, the questions I asked are in the reply. I ask about a block of memory from birth to age 10, asking why it's there. And I asked about a incident when I was about 9 1/2, the day I was admitted to Charter Oak Hospital in Covina.
I have been told that the reason I was sent there is because I had brought a plastic Easter Egg with two marbles in it to school and said it was a bomb. I have always known that wasn't true. Not just because I knew in my heart that I wouldn't do something like that. But because if I did do that, why where there no police or bomb squad called to the school?
And if it did happen, I would be sent to jail, not a psych ward. So the answer given was not exactly what I was expecting or even considered as a possible explanation for that day. And I also ask about Pam, if her death was my fault and how she is doing now. The questions were asked and then Erik replied after each one was asked.
As to not get confused, the transcript below I have each speakers name in red, and then what they say follows in the blue text. I hope that helps keep what everyone is saying straight. Here is what Erik had to share with me on March 26th 2010 when Elisa posted it to her Channeling Erik blog:
Elisa:"As many of you know, the blog has an “Ask Erik” section through which anyone can submit a question to my deceased son. I pose these questions to him each time I have a channeling session with the psychic medium. The next several posts will reveal the enormous insight Erik has gained as a discarnate soul. No last names will be revealed in order to protect identities. Let’s begin with Stanley.
He and I have been communicating through the blog and through email for a couple of months. His life has been a difficult one. Without going into specific detail, suffice it to say that he has suffered a great deal of neglect as well as verbal, emotional and physical abuse at the hands of his parents and brother. Despite his past, I get a sense that he is a warm and caring individual whose primary concern is the welfare of other souls who have suffered similar atrocities. Here is his first question followed by Erik’s reply:
“I have a big section of blocked memory from age 1-10. Can you find out what happened from who might know? Perhaps my Guides would be able to explain what happened during those years. I feel I am ready to know what occurred during those years. Abuse, death, injury? I know it’s a very tall order, Any information would be helpful.”
Kim starts by saying: “How interesting! Erik says he was a walk-in!”
Elisa: ‘Oh, wow,’ I exclaim.
Erik: “He was a walk in, and he came in at 9 1/2 years old. Yep, he was a walk-in.”
Elisa: I am amazed at this unexpected revelation. Considering his history of childhood abuse, my first guess would have been post traumatic stress disorder resulting in selective amnesia. ‘Wow, that’s very interesting. That’s pretty rare, right?’ I ask.
Erik: “It’s a little more common than you might believe,” Erik says.
Elisa: ‘Oh, I didn’t know that. Wow, so what happened? Why was he a walk-in?’
Erik: “Because the soul that was in that body didn’t want to be there anymore. It was too hard, too much, so he changed his mind, went back to heaven and the other soul was able to come and make good use of this physical body. And so, this is the flip side of committing suicide.”
Elisa: ‘Okay, wow! That all makes perfect sense from what he’s told me about his life!’ I respond, still awestruck by the deep sense of truth this explanation resounded in my soul.
Erik: “He didn’t threaten any of the other kids. He was threatening to commit suicide. He was holding a pencil, and it looks like he was threatening to stab himself with the pointy side of the pencil, um, and freaked the teacher out.”
Elisa: ‘Why?’ I ask.
Erik: “Because he didn’t want to be here anymore. This was the old soul, not Stanley,” Erik clarifies.
Elisa: ‘Oh, that was the old soul that was doing that?’ I ask.
Elisa: ‘Oh, I see!’
Erik: “He wanted out for a long time,” Erik adds.
Elisa: ‘Oh, okay!’
Erik: “And that soul figured out he wasn’t going to accomplish anything more and that’s when the exchange of souls took place,” he says.
Elisa: Now I get the connection! ‘Oh, so that’s when the walk-in occurred,’ I exclaim.
Erik: “Yep. And the walk-in comes into the body and assumes full consciousness. This happens to all walk-ins. They can wake up having sex with someone or in front of an audience during a speech or swimming in a pool. Walk-ins often take place during a terrible illness or a bad accident too. That way, when there are slight changes in personality it wouldn’t seem that weird.”
Elisa: ‘Stanley was taken in by an older woman who essentially became his surrogate mother. This was the first time he knew and experienced the feeling of unconditional platonic love. His own biological family was extremely abusive, physically and emotionally. Sadly, she died in February, 2005 from a heart attack. He begged her to go to the hospital, but she refused. Somehow, he feels responsible, wondering if he should have pushed her harder. Her death has been very difficult for him because he misses her very much. Her name Pam XXXXXXX. Any messages from her?
Here is Erik’s response:
Erik: First of all, tell Stanley that nobody told Pam what to do–ever! I hear her laughing. She says that if he had put a gun to her head, she still wouldn’t have gone. She knew it was her time. She knew she was going to pass. She felt that he was ready to muster the courage to move on by himself. There was nothing he could have done. Hey, she says she works as a guardian angel for him now full time! She’s been working with him since she passed.
Elisa: ‘Does she have any messages for him?’ I ask.
Erik: “Yes. She says the biggest issue he’s working on right now has to do with faith in himself, faith in his instincts, faith in what he’s here to do and not caring about..not needing, not needing other people’s permission or endorsement or approval to be who he is, to make his choices. Stanley is never going to fit in on the earthly plane. He is like a guardian angel in human form. There’s going to be very few people who can see him for who and what he really is like you do, Mom. He is here to be a healer and a teacher. Pam, she calls herself Pamela, says he still hasn’t found the way he’s supposed to heal and teach others. She says it’s going to be through art and music. She says, ‘Tell him art and music. I will be there every step of the way to help guide him. I want him to speak to me every morning, and I will make suggestions on what he can do that day to move his life forward. He feels rudderless like he doesn’t know what direction to go. And also he needs to help others. This is his last lifetime on the earthly plane.’ She also says he is unaware of his level of enlightenment.”
Elisa: ‘Yeah I totally get that impression. I can tell through our communications with each other,’ I say.
Erik “She says he’s a very sensitive being. He’s very kind. He’s very empathetic, funny. He’s very warm. He will be surrounded by many friends, kindred spirits who are of his caliber. He must trust. He must have faith in his instincts. That is key!”
Elisa: ‘Good, I’ll let him know,’ I assure them both.
Elisa: I am so heartened by how much Erik has been able to help others. Although he was a deeply caring and sensitive souls, when he was alive, his depression completely fettered him. He trudged through life in a cloud of mediocrity, avoiding responsibility, afraid of reaching out. How ironic that it took death to break the heavy chains around his heart and soul. How ironic that death is what finally empowered him to bestow the breath of life and hope into a weary, troubled, yet worthy heart."
Wow.......that was all I could say to Elisa when I was told all this from Erik. As Elisa thought, I had assumed there has been some kind of trauma or abuse of some kind that caused me to block out some painful past. For years I had thought that some kind of trauma, child abuse perhaps was what created the block. I wasn't even close.
Instead, it turns out the reason it was blocked for the most part was because it wasn't MY past I was trying to remember to begin with. It was the soul that first had this body. And that explains why when a memory surfaces from age 9 1/2 and younger, why I can remember it but yet not have any emotions attachment to the memory what so ever.
I relate it to looking at someone else's photo album. You see other people's memories but you don't feel happy, sad, excited or mad because it's just a picture to you. And that's how it is to me. I was told I was active in my sisters care when I was about 7. But the 1-2 memories of her, I have no emotional feelings about it what so ever.
However all the memories after 9 1/2, after I walked-in, when I have them I feel what I felt at the time it happened as everyone else does when they remember say a past birthday party for example. This also explains why I do not have any kind of emotional bond to my family. Why I always felt and for awhile thought I was adopted. They just felt like people I was living with. Not family. No bond to speak of whatsoever.
It's because the soul who had my body prior, he was my parents child. He was the one who experienced those bonding moments as a baby when they held him, fed him the bottles, changed his diapers and such. The typical things that created the bond with the child. He was attached to them. But because I came in after that, and didn't experience those bonding moments, there is no bond between me and them. So I feel more or less "adopted" into the family as I came in much later.
And from 9 1/2 on, has been more or less full of abuse. My experience with my family and others since November of 1990 has been filled with my parents not protecting me from harm and even doing harm to me themselves. And it really makes me ask the question. What was done to this little boy from birth to 9 1/2 years old that made him long to go back home to Heaven so bad that he was prepared to take his life? What was hurting this child so much?
And going by what was done to me, if this boy was already burned out and wanting out through suicide, how could he have taken what was done to me from 9 1/2 and on, on top of what was done to him too? It just makes me really sad.
One story I heard from the family was when the old soul was about 7 years old. My parents were doing a sports card show. Anyway, apparently the old soul way laying in the middle of the street out front of the where the card show was being hosted trying to get cars to run him over. So the pencil in 1990 wasn't a first thought.
From what I was told, I was watching over this boy. I was the boys guardian angel. When he wanted to go back home, we made a contract and I took his place so he could go back home as he wanted to. And as with every promise I make, when I make an agreement, I keep it! And I will do all I can to make this life of ours the most useful. Thus helping as many others as I possibly can.
But it also explains why I don't have any really early memories of being able to foresee future events prior to the age 9 1/2 when the walk-in occurred. Why I don't recall being able to feel others emotions prior to that time. Or why I can't remember using any of my other gifts prior to that time. It was because those "gifts" came with me.
They have not always been there. The old soul who was in this body prior was explained to me as a "younger" soul. I was told I am a more "enlightened" or "old" soul and thus have the gifts that come from many lifetimes on earth. Which makes sense. Something one would get over time. And like with the last "channeling" from Erik, this changed the way I looked at many things in my past. And explains a lot more.
My life has very much changed with each new discovery. I don't feel like such an outcast anymore. Have had new information about my past that sheds new light about what was going on at the time and explains 20 year old questions about that period of my life.
And about the Indigo part of myself, from checking around I found there are thousands of people just like me, people who are what are referred to as "Indigo". Most are much younger (under 18), but the important thing is I am not the only adult Indigo. I am not the only Indigo person either. That I am not alone. And I am not a freak. I am here, alive now, to help people with my gifts in some way, to help others improve their gifts, and make the world a more loving and happy place to live. And I do my best with that every single day.
And thanks to the woman who taught me "clearing" because it's not only useful in disconnecting from those my empathic gift connect me to, but it's also useful in helping with urges to self injure. When I have the urge to self injure, I find a quiet place and clear. And when I am finished, I feel so much better. For those who want the directions, I posted them, along with the meditation music I use here: http://picsanddocuments.homestead.com/Meditation.html
The first time I did it, I didn't feel that different. But now when I do it, when I reach the point where I call in the love and light, oh my god I wish I could describe what I feel. It makes me tingle from my head to my toe and completely relaxes me.
My depression is still a big challenge, but not nearly so much as it was. It seems with each new discovery about myself, it seems to change the way I look at things. It brings things into focus, so I can better understand how and why things occurred. And now, I have new tools to help me deal with a lot of it. And as for the topic of Indigo's, if you would like to learn a bit about it, there is a series of video's on Youtube.com about it in addition to the Metagifted.org website. Here are the direct links for those video's:
Part 3 of 7 -
On November 2nd 2009 Jonathan and his girlfriend Beverly moved out without notice. They just showed up with a truck that morning. It was clear he did it without notice to get back at me for things he felt I did to him by moving out with no notice so I didn't have any backup money in place to cover what his rent was paying for. Granted it was difficult for us, but we made it through that month. In the end though, him moving out was more of a blessing for the long run as so much stress left the house with him.
The agreements he made when he moved in he didn't keep. He had his friends coming in all hours of the day and night even though one of the agreements was to ask them to go home by midnight, and not to invite them over till 8am the following day. There was always someone knocking on the door looking for them.
I had problems sleeping because I he didn't always keep to the agreement and often would get up to get a drink or something and find someone coming in or out the front door. I never knew who was going to come in overnight and if anything would be taken. And it turned out it did happen. Several of our movies came up missing, among other things. Thankfully nothing happened to the computers or other more expensive items.
One thing that pissed me off was Beverly would make Jello with alcohol in it. Something they called "Jello Shots". They would eat these with their friends, including one of the friends my brother had who was only 16. No where near 21. So I wasn't happy with that at all.
I also had a problem with them doing laundry darn near 24 hours a day. I swear, darn near every time I went to do laundry there would be a load in the washer and a load in the dryer. How can two people go through so much laundry to need to do several loads a day?
I was always having to pull out the loads from the washer and the dryer to do my own clothing. And because they would forget about a load in the washer, it would go mildew and have to be washed again. Which wastes water and wash soap. Not to mention the electricity. While living here, between all their electronics they were running, on top of the near constant loads of laundry our electricity went up a little over $100.00 more than normal.
The arrangement was, they were supposed to be here long enough to get a new job, save up money for first and last months rent and get their own place. They were here 11 months. No job or nothing. While living here Jonathan spent $500.00 for a hand gun and another $100.00 for a gun belt. Neither of which he needed.
That money could have gone for a apartment. Instead it went for a gun that much of the time was locked in the safe. He couldn't afford to go to a shooting range to use it anyway, a method called "clearing" where in short you return the connection (AKA Energy) back to the owner with love and light.
As she suggested, I clear twice a day on average to clear any current connections. Once in the morning, and once in the evening. Doing this leaves me open to make new connections as needed and maybe be able to help someone else.. Waste of money.
The other problem is he would walk around the apartment with it. He had it on when one of my friends came over which understandably made him very uncomfortable. It would concern me as well.
According to California law, you can carry the gun on you as long as it was in full view, otherwise called "Open carry". So he wore it out to get some fast food at Taco Bell. He came back laughing about scaring the man taking his order. Saying his hand was shaking as he handed back the change from the order. I didn't find it funny in the least. Especially these days with all the problems with terrorism.
They had 2 cats. They never changed the cat liter box. They let it get full and then their cats would come use the one me and Sandra have for our 2 boys (Moses and Callie). We had to lock up our cats in a back room to give them breakfast because Jonathan's cats would push our cats away from the food bowl and eat all the food. Meanwhile, they didn't give any money for the extra cat litter I was having to buy for our litter box, or the extra food from their cats eating our cats food.
I even had to clean the sofa one evening when one of their cats who was looking for a place to go due to the litter box in their room being full jumped up on the brand new sofa's me and Sandra were paying for and peed all over the seat cushions. Pissed me off (no pun intended).
Though I guess they had it worse. Their own cats were going into their room and peeing on them while my brother and his girlfriend slept. Hey, that's what happens when you don't take care of your animals.
One of their cats was sick. Throwing up 2-3 times per day. They rarely cleaned it. It was me and Sandra picking it up most of the time. And all in all it got old fast causing many fights between me and my brother about their pets. It got worse when the adopted yet another cat, making it 3 cats they couldn't afford to take care of that now fell on me and Sandra to take care of. Our cats never had worms, but got them while their cats were here. When their cats left, no more worms.
Me and Sandra suggested several jobs for them. They didn't pay a lot, but it was something. Like waving one of those signs. My brother turned it down because it didn't pay $9.00 a hour. He wanted the same pay he was making when he was driving for Greyhound. Jobs like sign waving and such doesn't pay anywhere close to $2,500 a month.
Sandra found a job through the church for my brother's girlfriend to work in a children's school. She had it, all she had to do was show up. She never showed up. Instead they sat around the house playing internet games or running their swingers website where couples meet and have sex with different people from different couples. Like swapping your girlfriend for someone else's for sex. At least that's how it's been described on the internet.
I told them they were running up the bills beyond what they were paying. They agreed to pay the $250.00 from the start. But 8 months later, I told them they needed to start paying the full amount. All I could get from them was raising it up from the $100.00 to $200.00, and not even in cash. It was in food stamps. They complained. Where can you live where you can pay only $200.00, and in food stamps? I was getting sick of it fast.
So it was coming up on a year. Still nothing. We got word from a friend that she wanted to move in. Which my brother knew moving in, that if we found someone to move in long term, he would have to go fully into the garage or move out completely. And with 11 months, no job and not even trying, we had had enough. So I told him, he needed to clear out the back room. He was complaining that he didn't have enough room in the garage.
So I agreed to get him a storage unit. I paid for the down payment and the first months rent. All he had to do was carry it from there on. $40.00 a month for a 8X10. He complained that since I took a part time job as a in home health aid to make ends meet as my SSI wasn't enough with the $70.00 SSI took on the first of the year from both me and Sandra's disability checks, that I should use part of the "extra money" as he put it that I was making to pay for his storage. I finally lost my temper.
He can't get a job. But I go out and find work to pay the rent that he isn't paying, and now I am supposed to spend my hard earned money for HIS storage unit? I was pissed off. He was saying "Well your making extra money now, you can afford it". We stopped talking. 2 months later is when he moved out and moved back in with my mom and her boyfriend.
But because my mom can't have pets, his girlfriend asked if they could stay here. I said ONLY if she pays for the litter and food. And they need to come over and take care of changing the litter when needed. I have my own pets that I take care of. I wasn't going to care for theirs too. I gave them 30 days to find a home for them somewhere.
30 days came and went. Nothing. They said they didn't find anything. Feeling bad, I gave them another 30 days to find their cats a home. But I said if they didn't find them a home, I would take them to a shelter. On the 29th day they came over. I told them 8am the next morning I was going to take them to a shelter. Beverly tells me "well you wouldn't take them before I said goodbye". I told her, "Yea I would. 8AM". Apparently they didn't think I would actually do it. I did. I wasn't playing games.
I did try to give them time the next morning through. I was going to leave for the shelter at 8am. I waited till almost 10am to take them. Still no show. So I got their cats in the crate and drove to Shasta Lake where there is a no kill shelter. But because we didn't live within Shasta Lake, they couldn't go there. So I had no choice but to take them to the shelter in Redding.
I came home and was doing things around the house. A little after 1pm that afternoon they finally showed up. They came in with a digital camera looking to take pictures. I told them, the cats were not here, that I took them to the shelter already. I told them I waited till 10am, 2 hours later than I planned to leave to give them time. He was stomping all around swearing at me. I'm sorry. I was tired of him assuming I will just cave and keep doing what he asks. I was done being used.
He walked out the door slams it, opens it again to slam it again and then a 3rd time. I have a shelf next to the door with things on it that he was trying to slam the door hard enough to knock the things off the shelf. He didn't succeed. I got up, told him to leave or I would have him arrested. Which I was fully prepared to do. I was done with his attitude. He knew what time the cats were going to the shelter. He choose to wait, sleep in and come when THEY felt like it. That's what happens.
So they went to the shelter. But sadly one of their cats was afraid and attacked one of the staff scratching them up. Due to their cat attacking a staff member, the place couldn't risk adopting the cat out if there was a risk of the cat attacking someone. So they had to put the cat down.
I got a e-mail later that evening from my brother telling me it was all my fault that his cat Prissy was put down and that he hopes his cat haunts me till I die. (Prissy was the cat who clawed the shelter staff member. And he was saying how I am a disgrace to all Indigo's everywhere and that when I die he will "piss on my grave" and so on.
I am sad about Prissy having to be put down, but my brother and his girlfriend left me no choice. I told them how long they had. Their cats were not our responsibility. It was my brother and his girlfriends job to find them a new home. So since that day me and my brother cut contact with each other for good and have since gone our separate ways.