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                ABOUT THE "MY CRAZY OBSESSION" AB EPISODE

          So, you heard or saw that I did another episode about infantilism (Adult Babies)? Yep, you heard right, I did do another episode about it, this time for TLC's program My Crazy Obsession. And if you would like to see the episode and missed it, you can see parts of it on Youtube.com. Sadly the entire/full episode can no longer be seen on youtube unless you wish to pay $1.99 to watch it as TLC charges.

         As for, why did I agree to do another show after what happened with Taboo? Well part of it was because my part on Taboo about infantilism was only 12 minutes long and there wasn’t much time to get into many details I was hoping to talk about.

          And the other reason was due to Senator Coburn turning the show into a billboard to try to get his name in the press and keep him in office. That’s why I feel he made such a big fuss when he simply just could have contacted SSI and requested a investigation. But instead he choose to go online saying me and Sandra HAD to be defrauding the government and make such a big deal about it. And in the end he found out by all three agencies including the FBI and the Attoney General's office that there was no evidence of fraud.

        In the end, I would think any MD would know not all illnesses (physical or psychological) can always be seen with your eyes. Especially only seeing 12 minutes of someone on a edited TV show. So I agreed to do another show. So since so much mess was made over the fact me and Sandra were on SSI, I felt the message of the show got lost. Which the message was to explain to people what infantilism is about, what the role playing looks like, and to dismiss many of the common myths. So I am hoping this show, which addresses the same goals, doesn't get lost.

        Anyway, when I was approached to do the episode, I made the associate producer of the episode on TLC (The Learning Channel) who originally contacted me very aware of my disabilities and that I didn’t wish to do things that would hurt myself like I did last time with Taboo. When I did Taboo, I was taking double doses of my pain medication to get through much of what was done. I lifted and moved in ways far beyond what I should have with my back and paid for it later.

      After that Taboo episode was done filming I pretty much stayed in bed for almost two weeks due to pain in my spine. But it was worth it to me. I was willing to go through that for those few days of filming with Taboo because even from the start I knew the good that would come from the show. And to date, good is still coming from the episode, but that’s another topic all together.

        With TLC, I told them I wasn’t willing to double dose on pain meds or hurt myself to do things I shouldn’t be doing with my back again this time around. That if I did the show, they would have to find a film crew that was willing to work around my many needed breaks and other issues. I figured that request alone would have them move on to someone else.

        But nope, they found a 5 man crew willing to work with my limitations. The crew moved all the furniture that needed to be moved and set up all the scenes. So I didn’t have to hurt my back or anything. All I needed to do was pretty much be myself and role play as I do or just talk.

         So onto how all this came to be. I was first contacted by TLC (The Learning Channel) around the last week of January. About the 24th of January, 2012. They said they were interested in doing a episode on infantilism for their series called “My Collection Obsession”. After the issue of finding the crew who could work with my limitations was worked out, we discussed a time line.

       With the site updates for www.BedWettingABDL.com coming out on the first of each month, I didn’t want to throw trying to tape a episode onto that. So we agreed on February 6th, 7th and 8th 2012 for the filming for the show. Much better time wise. I was so tired after a day of filming, there was no way I would have been able to do updates to the site on top of that.

         The aim this time was to still show the role playing side, but they wished to film some of my adult life too. But the main focus this time was their interest in my role playing. So this time there will be more shown than just 12 minutes of me role playing. The episode this time was 30 minutes Although some things in the end sadly fell through for some filming of my adult side.

         We had planned for some non-AB friends of mine to be interviewed asking how it is being friends with someone who role plays as a baby while they are not themselves into role playing. My friend lived a few doors down from me when me and my friend Sandra still shared a apartment. So we talked a few times, and invited over to BBQ’s and such. But she never knew I enjoyed role playing as a baby or that my bedroom was a nursery till Taboo aired.

         But the thing is, she didn’t care. She like everyone had questions. Some questions were some of the myths me and Sandra set out to address like “does this involve real children?”. In fact a few days after I had answered her questions, others in the complex knew she was my friend and asked if they should be in fear of me harming their children. So she put the record straight and explained it to them. And that’s really why I do these shows, to address the myths. Till people put the record straight, people are always going to assume.

       The mind can be a scary place when your mind runs wilding thinking about some thing someone does when you have done little to no research about it. Sadly people’s minds often think the worst about someone, clearly as we saw with the comments on the numerous new stories with Taboo. People thinking I was a pedophile, that I secretly wanted to do things with kids or that the role playing HAD to be sexual for me since I am a adult.

        So I am glad Taboo and other shows are bringing adult babies on camera and setting the record straight about what it’s all about. And the more adult babies who take part in shows, people get to see the wide range of different adult babies and how each one’s baby side is different from another. Some role play as days old infants, some as babies, some toddlers wearing pull-ups, and others who role play as older children or even teens. Basically a time in their lives that they liked most is where their alternate age is picked from.

       Since I have no memory of the first 10 years of life, I have no memory of being a baby. I have no memories of being in a crib, being held and fed a bottle, having my diaper changed, memories of playing with other similar aged kids and so on. After I was transferred from regular school to special education school the first day I have memory of (November 20th 1990) I missed out on a lot of things.

       For example, I didn’t really have memory of those experiences of riding my bike to school, having friends over for sleepovers and such because in the special education schools I was in everyone lived in different cities. So no one lived close to invite over. So anyway, I went with age 2 because that’s the time in one’s life where they get to feel safe, loved unconditionally and care free of fears. Although like kids, I am still afraid of the dark (due to abuse).

         Anyway, role playing ranges from people just having maybe a pacifier, baby bottle or diapers to people with fully stocked adult size baby nursery complete to every detail. Those going to having every detail can spend thousands let me tell ya. It can be expensive to be a adult baby depending on how many props you wish to use. Typically stuff is collected over the years.

         I feel I am in the middle of the spectrum. I have 3 pieces of AB furniture (Crib, high chair and play pen) but aside from that I have a few crib toys, some Lego’s, blocks and Lincoln Logs, diapers, pacifiers, baby bottles, a blanket sleeper and thanks to the episode on TLC I now had added a baby blue lap shoulder onesie to that collection.

         The role playing can also be as mild as role playing a few times a week, to a few hours a day to the full extreme of role playing 24 hours a day for weeks, months to even years for those who have the money to pay a “Mommy” to baby them 24/7. I personally just feel role playing 24/7 takes the special feeling out of it. It’s not fun if it’s something you do all the time every day. So I like to keep my role play to about a hour or two a day. That way for me it remains a special treat I look forward to the end of each day.

          Anyway, got off track. So, in the end, my friends who are non-AB couldn’t do the episode. It was originally planned to visit a aquarium where my friends and her 3 kids and I would visit the aquarium and just have fun, talk as a adults. However they couldn’t get permission to film there in time for the tapping. So then we were going to do a lunch at a restaurant but she could only be free in the evening, but the place closed after lunch.

       And then we tried at the park, but she was never notified and ended up having plans and thus her being filmed fell through. Everything was set up so fast for them to come film, there was barely a day’s notice when doing something. The toy store wasn’t even picked out till the second day they were here.

       With my friend, it was hard to even nail down a time as she has 3 young children, taking them to preschool and kindergarten at different times of the day while also caring for a days old newborn. So we just had to skip it and work with what we had.

         I know some would think when AB/DL’s visit our friends all we talk about is diapers and role playing. And while we do discuss role playing with those friends who share our love for role playing, it’s not what’s talked about with non-AB friends. My friend Tabitha who was going to take part in the show, when I visit my friend Tabitha and her kids sometimes the topic of role play comes up between me and Tabitha, but it’s not all I talk about. We just kick back and shoot the breeze. Or I am invited over to watch a movie with them. So everyone in the AB/DL community has their adult side too. We don’t just role play 24/7.

         When I am talking to my non-AB friends like Tabitha, they know I am a adult baby but that subject rarely comes up in talking. We shoot the breeze, my friends fill me in on how their life is going, talk about the weather, news....just whatever.

        When I visit my friends AB/DL or not, I always come in adult clothing. I have a diaper on under my clothes of course due to the incontinence, but otherwise I am as adult as any other adult. When I go out, my adult baby side stays at home. If it’s a role playing friend, then I show myself to the bathroom to change into AB clothing if I choose to wear any AB clothing at the time.

         So anyway, before the film crew came to film, me and the associate producer called back and forth several times. We talked about how a average day for me goes, what kinds of props I have. I was asked if there was any other AB furniture I would want.

        First, I can’t imagine another piece of AB furniture I would need. I know I don’t have a adult size changing table, but that would require a at least 5-6 foot long piece of furniture. I don’t have room for something that large where I am now, and I really wouldn’t use it. I prefer my bed for changing my diaper. I know, too much information, but that’s the situation.

       And that’s why when it comes to a changing table, I have a real baby size one for looks. Well, did, it’s currently in storage due to not having room for it where I am now. And then there is the fact that I do not wish to build anything else for quite some time at least if ever again at all. The high chair was far more work than I had first thought. And it’s something I don’t want to build again. So I will be taking care of the one I have very well. So I had no interest in getting or making any new furniture pieces. What I have is plenty for my role playing. So we got off the discussion of making any new furniture.

       She asked what other kinds of baby clothing I had besides the sleeper. I told her I didn’t have anything else, but shared that I have had my eye on a onesie for quite some time. As AB’s know, the baby clothing is expensive. Well, is expensive for me being on disability. I told her every time I got close to having enough money for the onesie, something would come up and the money had to be spent on something else. So they said they would have one made for me for part of the show. So that was a big surprise.

        We also discussed Sandra’s passing and that I don’t have a Mommy to role play with anymore. We got into discussing how one finds a Mommy. That it’s a difficult process with so few Mommy’s and so many AB’s. They said they wished to help me try to find a Mommy to adopt me (not physically of course, she would just be my AB Mommy).

       In the end, they were able to find a Mommy in the close area where I live that I never even knew was there. Very nice Mommy named Evadne. Her website is http://www.ladyevadne.com/ Like a few Mommy’s in the AB/DL community, she’s also a dominatrix. But that’s nothing new.

       I have had two Mommy’s who were a dominatrix in the past. Just because they are a dominatrix doesn’t mean they can’t have a real nice Mommy side. My in person Mommy, Mommy Pam, she was a dominatrix too. But she had a killer loving side like nothing else. So believe it or not, a Mommy or even a Daddy can be both a loving AB parents and a dominatrix at the same time. Mommy Evadne was very nice a nurturing. As you have seen if you watched the episode.

        So the day before filming started we finalized everything and 24 hours later filming took place. Below is a detailed description of everything we did. Some details of how some things were shot I can’t disclose per a contract with TLC, but I will share as much as I can about what we did.

TLC arrived at 8:00am  Day 1 of 3 February 6th 2012.

        On day one the film crew arrived at 8am. After getting the microphone on and everything, me and the 5 man crew went to the Holiday Market supermarket across town to film a small shopping trip to pick up a few things. I accidentally went to the wrong store. I wasn’t aware that there was more than one of those particular stores here. So I had to drive across to the other side of town to the right one. Finally I found it.

       Once in the store, we did a few different takes all over the store. Having to walk past the camera at different angles and speeds. Filming is very repetitive if you didn’t know. We picked out four 27 count bags of Luvs size 5 baby diapers I use as stuffers for extra absorbency for the adult diapers as I am what’s called a heavy wetter, 3 baby bottles, a 2 pack of baby pacifiers for babies of 6 months, two jars of banana/strawberry stage 3 Gerber baby food, a bag of cat liter, bag of dry cat food, a pack of cat treats, laundry detergent and toilet paper. Basically they wished for me to come home with a few bags from the store.

       Then we went back to my house. We did a few takes with them filming me opening the front door and coming in with all the bags and then filming me bringing everything in and putting it all away. But as with any filming, we did many takes. Then I needed to take a 15 minute break. They used that time to set up for the next thing.

       Then they filmed me doing a walk around the room kind of thing explaining what everything in my room was and what I used them for. They wished to know the story behind each thing if there was one. I explained about the crib. How the design changed over the years to how it currently looks. What those changes were. When the first of 3 cribs was made. Then I talked about the crib toys I have along the back side rail of the crib a little. And then we moved over to the shelf with the diapers, bottles and all that.

         I explained what kind of diapers I wear and why I like that brand referring to the Unique Wellness Briefs. My medical insurance pays for the lower end “Wings Choice Plus” which is why I need the baby diapers to boost the absorbency to handle what I put out. But when I can afford it, I like buy a pack of the Unique Wellness Briefs ($30.00 for 20 diapers sold at http://www.wellnessbriefs.com/) for special occasions like hospital stays, trips, when I am sick or in this case, filming.

        I like the Unique Wellness Briefs because they hold close to 3 liters of urine without leaking so you don’t have to change so often which is good when your stuck in traffic or not close to a place you can change right away. And unlike the cheaper diapers, the Unique Wellness Briefs absorbent fluff doesn’t break apart and clump. So using them for filming worked out because the Wings Choice Plus would have fallen apart due to all the moving around.

       Anyway, I then explained that I use the baby diapers as doublers by cutting several half inch slits in the plastic backing and slip them down the front of the adult diaper to boost absorbency since I am a heavy wetter and when I have accidents I typically empty my entire bladder each time I have a accident.

      When I have my accidents, I either get a few seconds warning to make it to the bathroom, or I get no warning at all and just begin peeing and then of course the bed wetting overnight and naps. So it’s important to have diapers that can handle my situation. Or to at least be able to modify diapers to work for me such as using the baby diapers to boost absorbency.

       Then I explained that I enjoy having a baby bottle every now and then and shared that I like to drink warm 2% milk, apple juice or water in the bottle. They asked if I have ever tried baby formula. I shared that I have tasted a few brands of baby formula, and hated the taste of all of the brands. So I stick with the milk, juice or water. Some AB’s like the taste of formula and have it from time to time. But it’s not my thing. And ended with sharing about my pacifiers and why I like them.

        Then I got out my sleeper out and we filmed me getting into it. But the warmth was difficult to work with. We had 6 people in a 10X12 room that’s pretty cramped already to begin with but with the fans turned off due to them being picked up by the microphone, and then adding hot camera lighting. So even without the sleeper on, the room got warm quick. So in addition to breaks due to my back, I needed breaks just to cool down. 

        So, once in the sleeper we filmed me getting in and out of the crib. Showing how the railing can go up and down. And also how the whole rail section can be opened like a gate so you don’t have to step over the two foot high railing to get into the bed. And they filmed as I turned on each crib toy, showed what they do and what I like about each one.

         Then the mobile was turned on for me since it was too far up for me to reach. At the moment it was difficult just laying in the bed because at the moment we began filming my back began to spasm pretty bad. I rode out the spasm as long as I could and had to stop the camera and change positions.

         After we finished with the crib and little tour of my diaper cabinet I really needed a break with the fan on me being that my sleeper is so hot even in the middle of winter. It’s heavy fleece, so you can imagine. So in addition to needing breaks to sit by the fan and cool down in the sleeper, I needed frequent breaks due to my back and the PTSD. The crew was so nice in working with me in all the breaks I needed.

          So then I moved over to the shelf with all my stuffed animals near the foot of my crib. I explained the story behind each item on the shelf. So I shared about the baby pillow, books and all and explained where each item is from and why I have it. Like the pillow being given to me by Mommy Pam the first day I came to live with her in New York back in March 2002 that has my name, weight, height and date. Then I showed them pictures of Pam, DJ and Sandra explaining who they each were and how I met them.

          After another break we went into the kitchen to film me getting the baby food and baby bottle together. Took several different takes of opening cabinets to take out things. Then we moved to the dining room and got into the high chair. I finally had time to add a bunch of decals to the high chair and trey since Taboo. I didn’t have them when I did the Taboo show. Sandra had gotten me the decals that following Christmas. So I was able to make the high chair more babyish.

          I was able to get the high chair painted more. During Taboo, I ran out of time to paint it and so parts of the high chair were not filmed. So when they said they wanted to do the high chair in this program, I used 2 days I had to paint what I was able to in that time. I wanted to finish getting the high chair totally painted before filming but my body wouldn’t keep going. But I got most of it done. Only got bits and pieces that didn’t get finished painting but it’s much better than before during Taboo when we had to put animals in front of the non-painted area’s. So we didn’t have to do that this time.

          Anyway they tapped me eating baby food and drinking the bottle while being asked some questions in the high chair. They asked me if I have ever had formula. So I explained again that although I have tasted several brands, the only way I could ever drink it is if I add a milk flavoring to it. But I just don’t like the formula. They asked if I have had or wanted breast milk, and I said I have never had it and really don’t wish to. I prefer to stick to baby bottles with cows milk.

        After we finished with the high chair I had another break. Then we went into the bedroom and showed me setting up the playpen. But for some unknown reason the yellow side just wouldn’t lock into place. So we rigged it for show right now. But I couldn’t get into it while wearing the sleeper.

        I have grown taller since I first got the sleeper and it’s very difficult to bend over in the sleeper and I just don’t want to risk tearing it. So they only tapped me setting up the playpen and not getting into it. But because I was moving around so much I needed another break for my back and to cool off after we were done setting up the play pen.

        Then we set up with the playpen behind me arranging it for a better view from the camera. Then added a few items and set up for the interview. The interview lasted two hours but with several breaks. Basically asking how I got into being a adult baby.

       They asked me what a adult baby Mommy is. What are the things a Mommy does for a adult baby. How to find a Mommy. How often I role play. Asked me what kinds of things I did to role play. How friends and family reacted to me being a adult baby.

         They asked what kinds of questions friends or family asked after they found out I was a adult baby. So I explained that people often think those who are AB or DL are pedophiles, or that they are dangerous, that all AB/DL’s are gay. They had over 4-5 pages of different questions and thus is difficult for me to remember them all.

        In fact, due to the ADHD, I kept asking them to repeat the questions because I would begin explaining something and totally blank out on what the question was. But they repeated the questions without losing any patients. And that was it for day one of three. I slept good that night…lol. I was so wore out.


Day 2 of 3 February 7th 2012

     On Day two, I got up at 5:30am and got dressed. The film crew arrived at 6am but the sun wasn’t up yet to film at the park. So instead we tapped some things inside for awhile. We filmed me packing up a back pack with my stuffed dogs and some diapers for a trip to the park.

       Then when the sun began to come up we all drove to Enterprise Community Park to the Kids Kingdom area of the park. The Kids Kingdom area has a large wooden structure with different play areas. It’s quite large actually but VERY fun too. They also have a water volcano and stuff, but it’s only active during summer of course.

       We first started at the park by filming me on a swing talking about why I prefer to go to the park early in the morning before anyone is around. The reason being that I don’t think it’s fair or right for me to go to a occupied park and be running around playing on the wooden structures and all the while real little kids are using them. I am very against forcing my role playing on anyone. I would much rather choose to use the park toys early in the morning when it’s just me.

       With the park to myself I was on the swing for awhile. Then I was going under these arches by the water Volcano. And then I went up these 5 steps to reach the top of the water volcano there. That really hurt my back because the steps were larger than regular stairs, so I needed another break. But then we climbed around on the wooden structure. But I only went around part of it. Maybe like a quarter of the whole wooden structure was filmed. The structure is that big!

       After a 15 minute break, then they filmed me pretend to use the monkey bars. They were close to the ground of course for kids, so I wasn’t really hanging as I am obviously much taller than a 10 year old. So I just grabbed the rings and bent down a bit to make it seem like I was higher off the ground really hanging from them. Then we filmed me playing with this wall of bells. You just push these metal balls again the bells and they make a ringing sound.

       Then I walked across these buried tires in the sand. After that they filmed me pretending to fly a fake plane with my stuffed dog “Puppy” along for the ride while making air plane and machine gun sounds. After filming at the park, I went back home to rest for a hour as I was pretty sore and tired after the park.

        Then about a half hour after I got home, the crew arrived and began setting up for a online meeting using Skype with the Mommy “Mommy Evadne” who’s coming the following day. She’s from Oakland California and is very nice like I was saying. I could see her but because I didn’t have access to my webcam right then she wasn’t able to see me. But we still ended up talking for a good half hour to 45 minutes. We talked for awhile about the kinds of things I have here like the crib, playpen and high chair. She told me about herself, that she’s had a lot of experience with babies and has been a AB Mommy for several years.

         The crews idea was they wanted to assist me in finding a Mommy since Sandra just recently passed. Oakland is pretty far from me, but even if she and I only do role playing online, it’s far better than no Mommy at all. I was hopeful that a bond can be formed. But that’s a lot to ask only having 3 hours with each other.

        After the Skype call I found the package containing the onesie had arrived. Looked cool. After we finished with talking to the Mommy I put it back in the box and after the film crew was ready we went over to a local tailor. We shot the whole set up as if it had taken place over several weeks. They filmed me coming in and tell the woman “Hello, I need to have a custom garment made”. And then she showed me to the back where it’s more private as the shop was open while filming.

        Once back there the film crew filmed the woman taking my measurements. Then we picked out fabric. Then did a quick drawing of exactly what I meant. And by the way, she had no issue with what I wanted at all anyway. So once we were ready I put on the onesie as if 3 weeks or how ever long it would have taken to make it had gone by and I was coming to test fit the onesie before buying.

      Like with Taboo and the high chair, a bit of movie magic was done. About a week before filming I sent over my measurements and a onesie was ordered ahead of time there in New York where TLC is based out of. The idea being it would be done and ready so we would have it to film with right away. But there was a huge problem. The one ordered filming for the show didn’t get the measurements correct.

        There wasn’t time to make another one so we just cut and altered what we had to get the shot and then worry about the onesie being right later. However by the next morning, the wonderful woman tailor there ended up making the adjustments to the onesie in time for shooting the next day.

       This was possible because when we were shooting there and she took my measurements for one scene she took my real measurements and wasn’t just jotting down something for show. So she had my correct measurements. So she was able to fix the onesie to the correct measurements.

       After we finished filming at the tailoring shop, I got the woman’s name so if there was anyone in or near Redding California, she said she would be happy making things for other adult babies but made sure I understood that such a job wouldn’t be cheap. Something to keep in mind. Anyway, if anyone wants her contact information just e-mail me and I will pass along her name, address and phone number to get in touch with her.

         So after filming at the tailors I thanked her for her time and her patients and needed to come home for long break as my back was hurting pretty bad from all the standing, bending and stretching. The film crew gave me breaks at the tailoring shop, but there isn’t a bed or anything around other than at home that I can come and lay flat on for awhile to rest my back. After all, that’s why I have the hospital bed that is just for those with back problems. And that’s why I had to actually go home for a little while.

          Later on that afternoon me and the film crew went to a local toy store. It was a real neat store. They mostly have the old fashion toys like those made of wood or metal for the early 40’s and 50’s I would guess. Stuff like wooden toy cars, metal puzzles, wooden guns that shoot corks, that kind of things. We were there for a little over 2 hours.

          The woman at the store was very nice. She was so excited to be on TV. She reminded me of my first time I was on TV when I did Taboo. Taboo was the first time I was ever on TV and I was pretty excited. She just found it a lot of fun being on camera as I did my first time. I bet when she got up that day to go to work she never thought by 2pm that day she would be on TV playing with toys. :)

        Anyway, we got to play with some of the toys like the cork gun, wind up toys, push toys, slinky, did a sward fight with wooden swords with the woman running the store and a whole bunch of other fun things. The producer was more after toys that moved or did something which is expected of course. Me and the woman who was at the store spent a little while blowing bubbles at the camera. Then I needed another 15 minute break.

         Of course filming in a store full of toys my eyes were all over the place looking at everything. Talk about being a kid in a candy store…well, toy store. :) But one surprise for me was the baby keys. They are a baby staple as far as I feel and never can find them anymore, they had them! The old plastic ring with 3-4 plastic keys. But I had already spent my “play” money so it will have to wait till another time I get some money together from recycling bottles and cans.

          One issue I never saw coming in a toy store was having my PTSD triggered pretty bad. I was doing just fine for the most part till I walked past the Beauty and the Beast books and stuff. The reason that’s triggering of the PTSD is because Beauty and the Beast was the movie shown in the very first hospital my mom put me in back in 1990 as punishment that I was abused at.

         So it made it hard to finish and be happy/up beat after I saw it. And it didn’t help I had to walk by it several times during the filming in the store. It just made it very difficult to finish at the store. I just needed some breaks to try to let the flashbacks pass and get myself together to finish.

           I don’t blame the film team or anyone for the trigger at all. They didn’t purposely do it and in fact I never mentioned anything specific about the abuse. Just a bad time for a trigger to happen. And in fact it was a trigger I didn’t even realize I had till it happened. I mean, I knew the movie was triggering. But I didn’t know seeing the movie’s title and a picture of both Beauty and the Beast on the front of a children’s book would be enough of a trigger.

         So seeing it really drained me of my energy I had at the time to be “happy”, not to mention I needed a few moments for each of the flashbacks to pass. And that’s what sucks about PTSD, you never know when or where a trigger can pop up. Triggers can be a song, a word, a smell, a person, a place, a color, a feeling…and on and on. But the toy store trigger incident is on my list of triggers now!

         Anyway, at the end the producer paid for a huge play mat that has roads and buildings on it, 2 bottles of bubbles and 2 wooden toy cars. And after the shot was done I got a few dollars worth of the old fashion candy they also sell there. By the end of filming the toy store I was still so sore from everything we did, not to mention the day before so while the film crew finished up taking last minute shots I went back home to rest my back and my mind after the PTSD trigger.

           The other problem that day and more toward the end of the day before has been my sore throat. It was sore from something I caught the last week before filming and so my voice sounded weird. And it hurt to swallow. Not sure what I caught or where I caught it but it made things more difficult than they had to be. But I understand this is real life and things like being sick 2 days before tapping can’t be avoided.

         So I just did the best I could, took lots of breaks, and went home and laid in my bed to rest my back each chance I got. And the film crew is so understanding. I know I keep saying that, but they were. They knew my limitations coming here so they did the best they can about giving me lots of breaks and working with my other issues. Got to love movie magic. How they can take a scene that had a good 3-4 breaks in it and make it into one continuous piece. So after we finished with the toy store, we called it a day.


Day 3 of 3 February 8th 2012

      So on the last day the crew came at 8am and had me put on the sleeper again. Then they had me do some retakes they didn’t quite get quite right before. So we did things like put up the baby diapers on the shelf. We did a few takes of taking out a few single diapers out of the pack and placing them up on the shelf.

       Then we moved to me explaining things on the shelf. I basically said something like “This is my baby things area”. I can’t quite remember what I exactly said. Then we opened a drawer that’s under my TV where I keep my bulk items like the refill packs of Pampers baby wipes, baby powder, packs of adult diapers and diaper doublers.

        So first they asked me about the diapers. I explained that the adult diapers are the Wings Choice Plus that I get each month for incontinence. And then went to the doublers. I explained that they are simply diapers without the plastic backing used to increase what a adult diaper can hold over time.

       They asked me to take out the powder and explain what kind it is and why I used that kind. So I explained that I use corn starch baby powder because I find it provides a smooth slip surface between your skin and the diaper which thus prevents diaper rash.

      And then the wipes, I explained I use Pampers baby wipes and that the wipes in the drawer were refill packs for the pop up wipes container. That the Pampers baby wipes were a third of the cost of actual adult wipes called “Incontinence Wipes”. With the adult “Incontinence Wipes” you get like 15-20 wipes but you get like 80 wipes per pack of the Pampers wipes. So I go with the Pampers wipes. Plus it’s baby, it’s Pampers. Yet another prop.

        Then they asked me why I use duck tape on my diapers. It was actually another adult baby who told me about the tip. So I was explaining to them that often times with some of the cheaper brands that they use low quality tape to make the sticky tape tabs with. And so to keep them from coming unstuck in the middle of a store or something, I place a piece of duck tape over the tabs to hold them in place.

         So at that time they asked me to show what a diaper being put together might look like. I wasn’t about to do a diaper change on camera…..LOL. I think people want to keep their eye sight…lol. So anyway, they gave me a tray table to do a mock diaper change on. So I laid a adult diaper down on the table. Then I took a baby diaper out.

       I cut the tape tabs off of the baby diaper as they would cause irritation if left on in this use. Then using a razor blade I cut several half inch cuts through the plastic backing of the baby diaper from end to end. The holes are so when the baby diaper is full, the urine can then soak through and the adult diaper will catch the rest. Then I laid the baby diaper on the adult diaper up toward the front of the adult diaper seeing as I am a guy and that’s where that protection would be needed for me. I added some baby powder and that was that.

       After that, they wanted a demonstration on what a bad tape tab on a adult diaper might be like. Hard to replicate as you never know how or where a tab will fail. So basically I pulled on a already tapped diaper to simulate someone stretching and the tape tab pulling away and how it could no longer be re-tapped to the diaper. And then showed them what I was talking about with the duck tape, placing a piece over the diaper tape tab of the adult diaper to reinforce it.

       After showing about the diapers, I took a half hour break while we set up to film on the floor. While I sat in my recliner resting my back, the film crew laid out the street road map rug we got at the toy store the day before. After my break, I sat on the road map rug and I played with Lego’s, Lincoln Logs and colored blocks along with my stuffed dog “Puppy”. At one point I stacked up blocks and pushed them over toward the camera.

       Then I needed a ten minute break as my back was once again really bothering me in that position for so long and to add to that my right leg had fallen asleep too. So one of the camera guys gave me a hand up. Once that break was over I moved to a different side of the room and laid down for a different scene.

       I was still wearing the sleeper through all this. So once I laid down, I began coloring in a coloring book of kittens. But to color I used a AB trick of coloring with your non-dominant hand which colors as if you were a child. The reason being, because your non-dominate hand atrophied from not using it and thus is frozen at the age of a toddler.

       So coloring using that non-dominate hand gives you a picture that looks like a actual toddler colored it. Give it a try yourself some time, you color outside the lines no matter how hard your trying not to, so it looks very childish. It really works. :) Lots of AB’s use this method.

       It’s also said to be the window to the inner child. That you can write a question with your dominate hand and then using your non-dominate hand you write the first thing that pops into your head. At least, that’s how they say it works. My inner child comes our naturally, hence being AB. :)

       Anyway, after a break I got inside the play pen the crew put together for me. Once inside they spread some toys around the bottom of the play pen and then put my stuffed dogs in the play pen too. So I have my little puppy which is “Puppy” and then a larger version of Puppy that Sandra gave me named “Cuddles”. So I just say Cuddles is Puppy’s dad since they look exactly like each other, just Cuddles is bigger. :)

       So in the play pen I had the dogs talking and moving along the railing of the play pen. So I had Cuddles call Puppy. Puppy walked along the railing. Then Cuddles took his left paw and patted Puppy on the head, then scratched Puppy’s ear. Then Puppy gave Cuddles a kiss on the nose. And we just did different versions of that. Moving the camera around for the best shots and such.

       It’s hard for me to remember all the lines. Trying to repeat exactly what I just said and did when they move the camera and now want to catch the same thing at a different angle. Since there was no script and it was all off the top of my head, it was hard remembering what exactly I had said and done. But I think I did a ok job remembering pretty close what I said and did for a guy with ADHD! :) Hope I didn’t mess up repeating what I said too much.

       So after the playpen I was able to take off the sleeper and me and the crew had lunch. And after a hour long lunch break that’s when the producer came in with the fixed onesie. The woman at the sewing shop was able to fix the mistakes.

      Because she had really taken my true measurements during the takes at her tailoring shop and not fake ones on the day before, she was able to alter the onesie to the new dimensions. I tried it on and it fit great. More than great, it was PERFECT! :) So I now have a sleeper AND a baby blue lap shoulder onesie. Feels as babyish as it looks.

        So then the crew moved furniture and stuff around to get set up for the AB Mommy who came a little after noon. So the high chair was moved to the living room by the crew. And everything else was set up for the Mommy visit. I stayed in my room cooling off from all the work in the sleeper and to rest my back as much as possible between shooting. So I stayed in my room to wait till everything was set up.

       Mommy Evadne and I got to talk a bit before we actually started filming. But once the film crew was ready she went back outside and rang the doorbell as if she had just arrived. I answered the front door and showed Mommy Evadne in. We both came into the living room. I sat in the recliner in the living room to help to further relax my back as much as possible while still filming this meeting. Mommy Evadne sat on the sofa across from me.

        We just sat and talked to each other in “Adult Mode”. Both of us in regular adult clothing. She asked me what got me into role playing as a baby. So I shared with her that I had started bed wetting at age 13 and had been wearing diapers to manage the wetting. And that about a year after that I got the urge to buy the baby bottle and pacifier when I got my normal pack of diapers for the bed wetting.

        I shared that when I tried the baby bottle and pacifier at home that I loved how it made me feel safe. That the role playing I discovered I liked helped me cope with wearing diapers for the wetting and also was found to help me cope with the severe child abuse that was also going on at the time at home, school and the psych wards my mom sent me to as punishments.

      She shared with me that she’s been a AB Mommy since she was a teen and finds she really enjoys taking care of adult babies. And that she had a lot of practice of being a Mommy type as she was the oldest of 5 children and she was taking care of her siblings. We talked about how just because you’re an adult that it doesn’t mean you can’t behave like a child once in awhile or do things children do such as coloring, playing a board game and that sort.

       Basically, we just asked questions to each other back and forth and discussed our views on different things surrounding adult babies. Basically just a friendly sit down and get to know each other before getting to the role play. The sit down the first time you meet is something all AB/DL’s do with someone new they are going to be role playing with. It’s also that first meet that you discuss what your into and what kinds of role playing experiences you wish to do.

     Once we finished our talk, the film crew set up for us to move to the bedroom/nursery to continue our day. While the crew moved all the lighting and everything to the bedroom Mommy Evadne changed into her Mommy outfit and I put on the onesie.

     So then we filmed me on the floor on the city rug playing and Mommy Evadne came in and she sat down and began playing cars with me. We drove our cars to the ice cream store on the city rug. We pretended to be police cars on patrol driving around the streets. Then we drove our cars to the bank and pretend to get money.

     Then we drove to the carnival and we both talked about what kind of rides or activities we enjoy at the carnival. I was sharing that I like the roller coasters, fun house, house of mirrors, cotton candy and riding the carousel. Then we drove our cars at the camera.

      Then I got out the different colored wooden blocks and we began building different towers and then of course knocking them over. :) Got to have a crash or two. LOL Then we made bridges for our toy cars to drive under. And then we played with bubbles. We began blowing bubbled at each other. Then we were blowing bubbles and seeing how many we could catch at one time on a stick. I was having so much fun with Mommy Evadne that I had forgotten I was being filmed. A good thing I am sure the producer would say.

       But then I was remembering all the things Mommy Pam and Sandra did for me role playing. The bottle feedings, reading me stories and all and began crying a bit. But at the time I brushed it off as I had soap in my eyes. I am kind of weird about crying in front of others. Anyway, by that time we finished playing on the floor I needed more help up off the floor than normal because my right foot and leg had once again fallen asleep even with frequent breaks.

      After we finished playing on the floor, I got in the play pen while still wearing the onesie. She put my dogs in the play pen with me and asked if I would like to sing a song with her. She got down by the side of the play pen and we sang Itsy Bitsy Spider while making the movements with her fingers. I was taking Puppy’s paws making the movements for the song while singing the song. I’m not that good of a singer at all. And worse still nursing a sore throat at the time I don’t think I sounded in tune…lol.

     After she finished the song, she told me to play while she got lunch ready. So she stepped off camera for a break and I played with my dogs, making them dance on the rail of the play pen and all that.

     Then we took a big half hour break as my back was spasming all the sudden in addition to being really hot. Between the lighting and so many people in a small room, it got hot and stuffy real fast.

      After the half hour break I got into the high chair in the dining room while wearing the onesie and the crew filmed Mommy Evadne bringing in some baby food and a baby bottle of apple juice. I drank my apple juice filled baby bottle in between Mommy Evadne spoon feeding me baby food. She was making plane sounds for the spoon, making it a train, snake, bunny and all kinds of things to make it fun. She also held the bottle while I drank for a bit.

      After that the crew set everything up in the bedroom for Mommy Evadne to put me to bed. That’s when my mom and her boyfriend came home who I am currently renting a room from. The plan was to film from 8am-4pm while the both of them were at work. But due to me needing so many breaks, we ran over a hour or two each day. So my mom and her boyfriend were there for some of the filming.

      My mom was upset that they crew had all their boxes for the camera’s and stuff for filming in the kitchen. Well, the kitchen was the only room not being filmed that afternoon. Pretty much all at once we filmed in the dining room, living room, hallway and my bedroom. So the kitchen was the only place to put the boxes/cases till we finished with filming with Mommy Evadne.

       Then a light and my fan was accidentally placed just outside my mom and her boyfriends door and my mom opened her room door and almost walked into the lamp. So she got upset and told the film crew they were overstaying their welcome feeling they were not respecting her. That wasn’t the case, but that’s how she felt.

        So we filmed what we had to as fast as we could. So I pushed myself to finish filming the things with Mommy Evadne with as few breaks as possible. I still have to live here after the filming so I wanted to get done and out of the house so my mom would relax.

     So the film crew filmed Mommy Evadne holding my hand and walking me to bed. She pulled back the covers and tucked me in with Puppy and Cuddles. Then she sat by the head of the crib and read me a bed time story while running her fingers in my hair. She finished by kissing me on the forehead and leaving the room. We did a few takes and then we were done. I got her card so I could get in touch with her later and then Mommy Evadne was ready to head home.

      Shortly after Mommy Evadne left to drive back home, the film crew cleaned up my room putting everything back in place that had been moved when filming. That’s when the crew took a minute to film me on the computer typing trying to catch some non-AB moments. Then filmed me making a post saying as nice as Evadne was, that it didn’t appear that she was looking to adopt any babies, so I am still searching for a Mommy.

      As much as we really clicked and had a great time Mommy Evadne charges a hourly rate. After all, for many Mommy’s it IS a business so I really do understand. I just don’t have money to pay for a Mommy. Even if I saved up a years worth of money from recycling, It would be a long time before I could afford to bring her up on my own for a play date.

     Her price starts at $250.00 for the first three hours. I am sure that’s affordable for someone working a full time job, but for someone who’s low income or someone like me who is on disability who’s recycling can’s and bottles to buy their baby stuff, it’s just out of my reach. But I still very much enjoyed role playing with her and I do continue to talk to her via e-mail. Might end up doing a online role playing thing in the future. Time will tell. 

     I just found myself kind of emotional for some reason after she did the tucking me into bed and left to head home, but I couldn’t figure out why. Then I realized that Mommy Evadne tucking me into bed was very similar to what Mommy Pam, and much of it mirrored Sandra helping to try to calm me down after I had my nightmares. It just made me realize just how much I really miss Pam, DJ/Darien and Sandra. I was almost to the point of tears. Just funny the kinds of things that mirror past tender moments with someone. Just had me missing my friends Pam, Sandra and DJ that day more than normal.

      So once Mommy Evadne went home, the film crew began packing up their equipment. And I got into some adult clothing and sat in front of my fan cooling down and composing myself. Then the film crew put all the rest of the furniture in the house back to how it was when they first got here. So the house looked normal again and only a hour or so past the 4pm deadline.

      Then  me and the film crew all drove back to the Kids Kingdom at the park we filmed at before. At the park we did what the producer calls a “Hero Shot”. Basically the crew helped me onto sitting on the table part of these cement benches with my feet hanging off the edge. Then they put Puppy in my lap and other stuffed animals around me and I just basically sat still while they filmed. Then they helped me back down.

     The crew was supposed to have me and my non-AB friend Tabitha sit down and film us just having a regular normal adult conversation, much like the many I have with her. AB subjects sometimes come up when I am talking to Tabitha, but most of the time we are just shooting the breeze talking about whatever is going on. So they wanted to interview her after about how it was like for her being a Non-AB having a friend who is a adult baby. But messages got mixed up and the time set up in the days was missed so it didn’t make it into the episode.

      So after we finished at the park doing the “Hero Shot”, he came over and got his jacket he forgot when the crew packed up their equipment. Then he paid to fill up the gas tank on my minivan back up to where it was before we began filming since the gas was used by me driving to filming locations around town. Then the film crew drove off to their next job. And that was it for the filming of the episode.

       During the time leading up to the airing, I got e-mails asking me follow up questions. Such as how many diapers do I go through in a month. So I explained that my medical insurance covers two cases of of the Wings Choice Plus adult diapers with 60 diapers per case for a total of 120 diapers. I use 3-5 diapers per day depending on how many accidents I have.

       Then they asked how often I have baby food. So I said I have baby food maybe a few jars a month if I have the money to do it. And I really only like the banana and strawberry state 3 Gerber baby food. So it comes down to 1-3 jars of baby food a month. The rest of the time it’s adult food.

       One mistake in the episode is about how much I role play. They misquoted saying I role play 10 hours a day. I role play only about 1-3 hours a day. How they came up with 10 hours is sleeping. Because I sleep in a crib and not a normal bed, they count it was role playing. So sleeping is 8 of the hours they said I role play.

       Also I found in a lot of the reviews, a lot of people are misunderstanding when I say I can go 12 hours without needing a change. People thought that meant I didn't have a accident in inbetween that time. For the record, I wet when I am sleeping including naps. And during waking hours, I have 1-3 wetting accidents. Sometimes a few more day time accidents can happen I find when I am under stress.

       So what I mean when I say I can go 12 hours without needing to change, I am refering to the Unique Wellness Brief diapers I order (the purple diapers on the shelf). They are designed to be worn for 10-12 hours without needing a change as they can hold almost 3 liters of urine. Although I don't let the diaper get that full before changing of course.

       The diaper on the episode that I pull out of the drawer and open on the tray table and powder are Wings Choice Plus. Those are rated for about 4 hours. Those ones to hold what I put out, I use a baby diaper that I cut slits in the plastic backing so the baby diaper can be a soaker and give the diaper a compacity that works for me. I am a heavy wetter which basically means when I have a accident, most times my entire bladder empties. So I need diapers that can handle such a wetting and thus have my current system.

       I don't just wear diapers for role playing. I have a legit medical problem thus needing them. I have been a bed wetter since 13, but after my spinal injury that included nerve damage happened, my bed wetting got worse, and in 2000 the day time wetting began happening and so I needed to wear diapers during the day as well. The role playing helps me deal with the wetting and need of diapers as well as the abuse from my past.

      So that's what the whole misunderstanding with the diapers was about. The accidents are at random times of the day. But the good thing is aside from a few accidents, I have regular control of my bladder and use the toilet as often as I can over just using the diapers so I can retain as much control as I can for as long as I can.

       I also didn’t expect to see the episode air so soon after tapping just finished in February. Taboo took nearly 9 months to air August – May. So I expected similar for TLC. But nope, we tapped on February 6, 7 and 8th 2012 and it aired for the first time on March 21st 2012.

       What also kind of both surprised and bothered me was at the start when I was first contacted they said the program title was going to be “My Collection Obsession”. That it would be about my collection of baby things even though I don’t have a child. But then on the ad on TV the title says “My Crazy Obsession”.

        So of course I put a call in to say I wasn’t happy that the word “Crazy” was in the title. That I felt it would send the wrong message making people think/feel that people into role playing are “crazy” or mentally ill needing help. And that’s just not the case. Role playing does not hurt those role playing, or anyone else and isn’t against the law.

         The producer of the show said it was the network who changed the title. That they had done it with another show. He told me the network had made the change for the program “Doomsday Preppers. He said the show was going to be called “Preppers” but that the network felt if they put “Doomsday” in the title, I imagine feeding off the fears of December 21st 2012, that more people would watch the show.

         So in a effort to get more people to watch the show, the network changed the show I was on from “My Collection Obsession” to “My Crazy Obsession”. I still wasn’t happy about the name change without even being told. I had to find out by seeing the ad on TV that the name had been changed.

        Had I known what the network was going to change the name to, I wouldn’t have taken part in the show. But there was nothing I could do about it after the fact. I just feel the word “crazy” in the title sends the wrong message.

       So I wasn’t too happy with the title change. But thinking more about it, I guess the general public seeing a adult baby for the first time would think it was some crazy obsession that was way out there or even required psychiatric care to "cure". But that’s also why I tend to write one of these pages to explain all the details about the program to ALWAYS set the record straight.

       Anyway though, that’s how my part in this episode about infantilism (Adult Baby) came to be and was tapped. If you have any questions about the episode, feel free to e-mail me at Stanley_19802@yahoo.com. Take care everyone! :)

      -Stanley

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      PS, little update since I wrote the above. Another big thank you to TLC. I recived a gift basket today (March 21st 2012). It had a clothes hamper that's a dog. I love my puppies, got tons of them. Anyway, it also has nestling cubes that stack to 32inches the box says. Had to open it of course. The cubes, each one tells a story about a baby's day. And each cube has different textures. Like one is of dad's face which is sand paper.

     There is also a frog. Each limb has times a day such as AM, PM, Day, Night, Sun, Moon. On the chest is a clock you can move the hands on and around the clock are the days of the week. Then there is a stuffed guy that teaches zippers, snaps, buttons and shoe tieing. And then there is the thick page toddler story book.

     I went on www.babybasket.com to look at it (Click Here To See It), they spent a hundred dollars on that. That's too much, especially after all they did with getting me the onesie, bringing up Mommy Evadne, paying for the food at the supermarket, lunches, gas for my car. So again I have to give TLC a huge Thank You. They didn't have to do that. They have done so much already. THANKS GUYS!!!
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